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  • Writer's pictureLeslie McCrary

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This GIF is the PERFECT representation of my relationship with numbers and math. And it's been that way since the start. I've never liked math. I told my parents, friends and teachers. The reason I wasn't any good at it was because I didn't like it, they told me. I needed to learn to like it, then I'd be better at it and my problems would be solved. But the more math I had to do, the harder it got and the more anxious I became. The more anxious I became, the more doubts I had about myself. And I had no one to tell. After all, everyone had told me the solution, if it didn't work, it was because of me. I wasn't trying hard enough. They thought it was as simple as that. And I didn't have any reason or understanding to believe otherwise. So by the time I was seven, I began hiding my confusion and my finger counting. Figuring out ways to act as if I understood and not create a problem. Very quickly I became great at pretending. Today I realize it was the beginning of masking my problem.

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